Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
