I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
