she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
