one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
