Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
