Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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