do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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