I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
