yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
