I cockslap morals
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
