Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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