The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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