we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
