what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We had to coat check the pizza.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
