My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
should my penis look like a turkey
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
