I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
