"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
