is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
