I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
