If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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