so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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