Me. At least after what I've been through.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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