At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
