We're facebook friends in real life
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
