i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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