guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
