Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
