i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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