Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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