Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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