a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
