Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
