I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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