Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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