Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
