So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
