So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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