About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
worst night to have a conscience
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
