I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
