One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
