He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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