I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
