i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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