I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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