You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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