I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
