totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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