oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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