It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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