she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
