We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
