how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
