I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
