Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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